The Opposite of Lonliness

Psalm 25 15-22

15 My eyes are ever on the Lord,
    for only he will release my feet from the snare.

16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
    for I am lonely and afflicted.
17 Relieve the troubles of my heart
    and free me from my anguish.
18 Look on my affliction and my distress
    and take away all my sins.
19 See how numerous are my enemies
    and how fiercely they hate me!

20 Guard my life and rescue me;
    do not let me be put to shame,
    for I take refuge in you.
21 May integrity and uprightness protect me,
    because my hope, Lord,[a] is in you.

22 Deliver Israel, O God,
    from all their troubles!

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The Beatles famous hit Eleanor Rigby echoes over and over again: 

Look at all the lonely people.  Where do they all come from?

Look at all the lonely people.  Where do they all belong?

Though there is great speculation about where the Beatles got the name for the song… was it a friend, someone they met? Was it indeed the person by the name of Eleanor Rigby who was buried in the Liverpool cemetery?  They comment that Eleanor Rigby is a made up person who embodies the soul of all of the people of Liverpool.  People who get up every day, clean their front step, go about their jobs and lives and yet, feel empty and alone.  

Thousands of years earlier, the psalmist cries out against the same challenge — loneliness —  in the words of the psalmist:  Turn to me, I am lonely and afflicted.  

Recently the famous author and blogger, Glennon Doyle went viral for a rant on the internet about motherhood, going through her endless mundane tasks for the day, laundry, cooking, shopping, cleaning, organizing, naps and walks and playdates and though she was constantly with her child, never had she felt so alone.  

Psychology Today cites that 72% of people feel lonely on a regular basis.  That means almost all of us.  It is a feeling we carry in our chest that aches for relationship and for community.  It is a symptom of a severed connection with humanity. A feeling that we should have others in our life, that we long for intimate connection, for friendship, for companionship and for community.    And while it is an intense sense and can cause feelings hopeless and worthlessness, it is a chronic challenge that can be soothed.  

Lindsay Becker, phD and author of Insecure in Love, shares three routine steps to dealing with loneliness,

1. Be aware of your feelings — notice how you feel, allow yourself to have the emotions.  if tears well up, let them.  
2. accept that you feel lonely .. most people try to avoid these emotions by hiding in tv or video games or by being excessively busy.  Too frequently many people feel that if they can figure out what is wrong with them and why they feel lonely that it will go away and that somehow they will become more worthy of other’s company.  Instead of trying to fix the scenario, be aware of your feelings and accept that they are part of the moment.
3. Becker’s third key to combating loneliness is to offer compassion.  Remind yourself that other people are feeling lonely too.  In your loneliness, try reaching out to someone else who may need a friend you can show compassion to a brother or sister and also find healing for your own isolation.  

M. Scott Peck in a different drum says:

how strange is it that we should ordinarily feel compelled to hide our wounds when we are all wounded.  Community requires the ability to expose our wounds and weaknesses to our fellow creatures.  It also requires the ability to be affected by the wounds of others.. but even more important is the love that rises among us when we share, both ways, our woundedness.  

However, do not forget that As the psalmist cries out in loneliness, it is a constant back and forth with the lord, rooted in hope and conviction that God is listening and will be attentive.

the author reminds us to keep our eyes ever toward the lord, and reminds us that the lord will pluck us out of the net of loneliness and affliction.  

And so we as people who go about our every day.  People who get up, make the coffee, drive to work, feed the pets and put the kids to bed, single or paired, young or old, we are often lonely people, but we have a God who calls us to a life that is the opposite of loneliness.  

2.  Hebrews 10:23-25  

Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who has promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

We have been focused on the biblical responses to life’s chronic challenges for many weeks now.  The original title we wrestled with was the antidote for life’s struggles, but the idea that we have the answers felt arrogant.  

I have no doubt that God has the answer to all of our struggles, not a doubt in my mind, but for this struggle, for the struggle of loneliness, I truly feel that we have the antidote because God has given us each other.  

Look around.  I really mean it.  Look the person on your right and on your left.  Look in front and behind you.  Everyone you see has known the feeling of loneliness.  Everyone here has had the desire to be known, loved and included.  

And so God has given us an extra special gift.  The church.  A place where we can gather.  Where we can see some people who maybe look like they have it together and people we know don’t have it together and we can see them gathered, we can see them helping each other, hoping together, struggling through all of life’s chronic challenges and here, here is the place where we are reminded that we have each other and that we have Jesus.

Hebrews tells us — brothers and sisters, let us not neglect to meet together.  

A recent, but not surprising study tells us that people who get their interaction only from social media feel increasingly depressed and lonely, but those who meet face to face find common humanity.  

The biblical response to loneliness is to be the church.  To provide ways to provoke others to love.  Gosh, what would it look like if we weren’t provoking others to anger, but instead finding ways to make loving each other more easy.  

Dietrich Bonhoeffer in his book Life Together says Let him who is not in community beware of being alone.  Into the community you were called, in the community you bear your cross, you struggle and you pray.  If you scorn the fellowship of your brothers and sisters, you reject jesus and your solitude will only be harmful to you.

God has created us to be together.  Here at Grace, here in our town, here in our world.  To be a balm to the loneliness of our neighbors, to the sick, to the friendless and to those who appear that they have it all together on the outside because our God is faithful and he will not abandon us in times of trouble.  

We truly have the antidote because God has given us each other.  

A cooperative sermon with three pastors

Offered in worship 2019

Grace Presbyterian Church

part of a sermon series,  Biblical Cures for Everyday Ailments